23 Things You Remember If You Attended SHSG – Nikki Acquah

1. The school’s birthday cake which tasted awful but nobody wanted to break tradition

You know, like how wedding cakes look lovely but inside they taste like death? Yeah. Fruitcake and marzipan. No. Just no. BUT I STILL WANT A SLICE. 

cake

2. Speaking of which, the school birthday! 

Because singing happy birthday to a load of mortar and brick totally wasn’t weird. CAN THEY HEAR YOU IN KENT?!!

wtf

3. Fancying pretty much any of the male teachers because you were deprived of guys 

He’s forty? Ahh, age is just a number! Right?

Right. And prison is just a room.

bad

4. Jerusalem! And that other song that nobody really wanted to sing (Praise him)

In England’s green and pleasant LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!

jerusalem

5. Fist pumping if you got Mr Moroney for science

Let’s not lie, he made the entire subject interesting and relatable! He made you WANT to learn. The only person who could explain photosynthesis with his own remix of All the Single Ladies. Bravo Mike, bravo. 

have fun

6. Being positive that school gossip would be perfect Waterloo Road material 

Affairs? Babies? What teacher was with what student? We knew it AAAAAAAALL.

general knowledge

7. That one Bible verse that will haunt you for the rest of your life

For every season, there is a time…

Is it time to read a new verse…??

 timeto

8. Being the least informed form in the year (if you had Mrs Bridge as a tutor) 

Rest in peace you legend ❤

BRIDGE

9. Assembly stories that were somehow always linked back to feminism. Because feminism. 

“So yesterday I bought an ice-cream…” *insert some random but evidently crucial part of the story which you weren’t paying attention to* “…and that should help you to remember that you’re all strong, independent women who can smash through the glass ceiling one day.” Wait, what?

feminism

10. That one pervy teacher. You know who I mean.  

Sure he meant well.

scarred

11. End of year assemblies. It felt like EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. in the school was being given an award. 

Two hours later and we’re still clapping. They just made all those awards up right?

nap

11. THE UKELELE GANG.

Because there was always that one group of year 10s who thought playing a ukele at lunchtime was a fab idea.

stop

12. Becoming a sixthformer and exercising your ultimate power over the younger years…because you had priority in the lunch queue!

No big deal. Not like you waited five years for that moment after all.

boss

13. Constantly being told, “Oh! So you must be a lesbian!” or “Oh! So are you really clever?” whenever someone found out you went to an all girls grammar school. 

No and yes respectively.

please stop

14. Being expertly equipped at dealing with any rumours/bitching in later life. 

Fifteen year old girls can be bitchy.

-3-rules-of-engagement-33409856-500-262

15. When the teachers made you feel worthless for getting a grade B or less. 

Turns out a D is a pass! Who knew!

bread

16. Being the last school in the area to shut on a snow day. 

serious

17. The school pantomime!

Because no lessons. And sweets.

panto

18. Being reminded at every given opportunity that Rachel Riley was SHSG alumni. 

And having webcam lessons with her on Maths Day.

i dont care

19. Kilts. 

Nuff said.

KILT

20. Leaving school for the “real world” and encountering proper sexism left you like: 

I mean, we didn’t suffer through 7 years of assemblies for nothing.

fellas

21. MRS ROSSI!

No sports day was complete without her

rossi

22. The pointlessness of Target Setting Day.

“Are you revising enough?”

“Probably not.”

“Revise harder.”

“OK.”

now what

23. Still fiercely defending SHSG with all your might, because you made some amazing friends and memories there ❤

AD DEI GLORIAM.

i love you

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3 thoughts on “23 Things You Remember If You Attended SHSG – Nikki Acquah

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