1. The school’s birthday cake which tasted awful but nobody wanted to break tradition
You know, like how wedding cakes look lovely but inside they taste like death? Yeah. Fruitcake and marzipan. No. Just no. BUT I STILL WANT A SLICE.
2. Speaking of which, the school birthday!
Because singing happy birthday to a load of mortar and brick totally wasn’t weird. CAN THEY HEAR YOU IN KENT?!!
3. Fancying pretty much any of the male teachers because you were deprived of guys
He’s forty? Ahh, age is just a number! Right?
Right. And prison is just a room.
4. Jerusalem! And that other song that nobody really wanted to sing (Praise him)
In England’s green and pleasant LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!
5. Fist pumping if you got Mr Moroney for science
Let’s not lie, he made the entire subject interesting and relatable! He made you WANT to learn. The only person who could explain photosynthesis with his own remix of All the Single Ladies. Bravo Mike, bravo.
6. Being positive that school gossip would be perfect Waterloo Road material
Affairs? Babies? What teacher was with what student? We knew it AAAAAAAALL.
7. That one Bible verse that will haunt you for the rest of your life
For every season, there is a time…
Is it time to read a new verse…??
8. Being the least informed form in the year (if you had Mrs Bridge as a tutor)
Rest in peace you legend ❤
9. Assembly stories that were somehow always linked back to feminism. Because feminism.
“So yesterday I bought an ice-cream…” *insert some random but evidently crucial part of the story which you weren’t paying attention to* “…and that should help you to remember that you’re all strong, independent women who can smash through the glass ceiling one day.” Wait, what?
10. That one pervy teacher. You know who I mean.
Sure he meant well.
11. End of year assemblies. It felt like EVERY.SINGLE.PERSON. in the school was being given an award.
Two hours later and we’re still clapping. They just made all those awards up right?
11. THE UKELELE GANG.
Because there was always that one group of year 10s who thought playing a ukele at lunchtime was a fab idea.
12. Becoming a sixthformer and exercising your ultimate power over the younger years…because you had priority in the lunch queue!
No big deal. Not like you waited five years for that moment after all.
13. Constantly being told, “Oh! So you must be a lesbian!” or “Oh! So are you really clever?” whenever someone found out you went to an all girls grammar school.
No and yes respectively.
14. Being expertly equipped at dealing with any rumours/bitching in later life.
Fifteen year old girls can be bitchy.
15. When the teachers made you feel worthless for getting a grade B or less.
Turns out a D is a pass! Who knew!
16. Being the last school in the area to shut on a snow day.
17. The school pantomime!
Because no lessons. And sweets.
18. Being reminded at every given opportunity that Rachel Riley was SHSG alumni.
And having webcam lessons with her on Maths Day.
20. Leaving school for the “real world” and encountering proper sexism left you like:
I mean, we didn’t suffer through 7 years of assemblies for nothing.
21. MRS ROSSI!
No sports day was complete without her
22. The pointlessness of Target Setting Day.
“Are you revising enough?”
23. Still fiercely defending SHSG with all your might, because you made some amazing friends and memories there ❤
AD DEI GLORIAM.