Sometimes it’s time to stop fighting. They say the view is better from the mountains but why not bury me in the valleys? This earth feels like home. Giving up on a goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tyres because you got one flat. But what about the second setback? The third? The hundreth? What if there are no more tyres to slash? It gets harder before it gets easier, but its easier to live in the now. There is only death or redemption. Ironic the answer to black or white thinking is a black or white threat. The future is a concept; the future doesn’t exist. That’s hopeful. That’s terrifying. If you’re physically fluctuating between opposing fantasies, you will NEVER reach your goal. I want to be awake again. But perhaps I should learn to love the nightmare.