Plan for if this whole “Poet Laureate/Comedian” thing doesn’t pan out

A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself

Phase 1

1. Open a chain of pirate themed family restaurants.
2. Create novelty napkins featuring a treasure map for pirate themed family restaurant.
3. Bury treasure in accordance with said novelty napkin map.
4. Wait for someone to come looking for the treasure.
5. Abduct them.
6. Repeat steps 4 & 5 until local folklore or media frenzy is created.
7. Change treasure map napkin in a slight way, that only conspiracy theory weirdos would notice. (Or, create a new napkin designed in such a way that if you align it with the original napkin and then do a MAD magazine style fold it makes a whole new map)
8. Bury treasure in accordance with new novelty napkin map along with a note reading, “the victims are in the chicken” -Lee Harvey Oswald

9. With the media circus successfully distracted, convert all abductees from steps four and five into…

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